The first time I pumped in the lactation room was the day I got discharged from the hospital without my son Legend. I cried while I pumped, not realizing that I was spilling the milk pumped. Not only was I wet when I finished pumping, I felt sad, overwhelmed, lost, dirty but grateful for the support I received from the Doctors, nurses, lactation staff and my family.
Although we were told that our baby would be in the NICU after birth, nothing prepared me for the reality of going home without a baby. I felt incomplete. I felt like a part of me was left behind.
I found consolation in the breastfeeding support I received, which I didn’t get much of when I had my first child.
I was really looking forward to breastfeeding and bonding with my son, but my hope was crushed when I was told that he couldn’t have breast milk as part of his treatment plan. I consoled myself with pumping and saving milk continued hoping that I would successfully breastfeed him someday.